Every Friday, I write a column for Jalopnik wherein some hapless reader writes in with a legitimate automotive question, such as “Why have my Audi Allroad maintenance bills cost more than my wedding?” and I provide a clear, concise, helpful answer using easy-to-understand language and as little hyperbole as possible.
Nah, just kidding. My answers are usually vague and nonsensical, because – and this is the truth – it’s tremendously rare when I have any idea what I’m talking about. Seriously: if you have an automotive question, you’d be better off asking your mechanic. Or your car-loving uncle. Or your brother. Or your pet. Or your microwave.
What Should My Limo Company Use To Replace the Lincoln Town Car? – July 17, 2015
Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Friday, the day that comes between Thursday and weekend grocery shopping. My name is Doug DeMuro, and it’s time for this week’s Letters to Doug, wherein you send me letters and I respond because you guys often think up crazier stuff than I do.
How Can I Learn To Drive Stick If I Don’t Have a Stick Car? – July 10, 2015
Good news, ladies and gentlemen! The end of the week is nigh, and we shall lionize by exulting ourselves with the corpuscular altruism of Letters to Doug! I have no idea what many of those words mean!
Why Are So Many Automatics Listed For Sale as Manuals? – July 3, 2015
Good news, people of Jalopnik! Friday has arrived, and that means the time has come for Letters to Doug, a weekly column where you send me a letter and I read it very thoroughly before deciding that you are a Nigerian scammer.
Which Car Company Takes the Most Risks? – June 26, 2015
Good news, everyone! The day is Friday, and the moment has arrived: it’s time for Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly (except last week) column where you write in with a cool, fun, exciting, automotive question, and I answer it in a brilliant, sensible manner that is usually at least one-seventh true.
Why Won’t Honda Make a V8? – June 12, 2015
Hello and welcome to Letters to Doug, your weekly Jalopnik Q&A column wherein you provide the Qs and I provide a long, ranting A that goes off on a lot of unrelated tangents.
How the Hell Are Porsches So Reliable? – June 5, 2015
Hello, everyone, and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik feature wherein I devote an entire column to answering your questions because I can’t think of anything important to write about.
How Do You Approach an Exotic Car Owner? – May 29, 2015
Yes, that’s right! Friday has come around again, and that means it’s time for a new round of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column that features the answers to questions you never really cared to ask.
Why Doesn’t the U.S. Have An Annual Car Safety Inspection? – May 22, 2015
Hello and welcome to Letters to Doug, your weekly question-and-answer column with me, Doug, a self-described automotive expert in the sense that I have owned more automobiles than I have fingers and toes.
I’m Moving to Chicago: Do I Really Need All-Wheel Drive? – May 15, 2015
Hello, everyone, and welcome to a very special edition of Letters to Doug! It’s special in the sense that this week, unlike in prior weeks, I actually have a modicum of expertise in the topic being discussed. So let’s get started!
Dear Doug: Where Do I Get My Maserati Serviced? – May 8, 2015
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of the week again: Friday is here, and that means it’s time for Letters to Doug, the weekly column where you write in with an automotive query and I reply with tremendously questionable advice.
Why Can’t I Buy a Rare Car at MSRP? – May 1, 2015
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Letters to Doug, a weekly feature that involves you sending over your questions and me reading them at 2 a.m. while I sit around in my underwear.
Dear Doug: Please Explain BMW’s Ridiculous Naming Scheme – April 24, 2015
Good afternoon, everyone! Today is Friday, the week is over, and that means it’s time for Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly automotive column where I tackle some of the least pressing automotive concerns of our day.
How Do You Get A Job In The Auto Industry? – April 17, 2015
The end of the week has arrived, and that means it’s time for Letters to Doug, a weekly segment wherein you send letters to Doug and Doug grumpily replies to them.
Should I Let A Dealer Check My Credit Before a Test Drive? – April 10, 2015
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time already: time for “Letters to Doug,” a popular column I churn out every Friday because I can’t think of anything else to write about.
When Is A Vehicle Really American? – April 3, 2015
Ladies and gentlemen, the end of the week is here again: it’s Friday, a magical, happy day, defined by Wikipedia as “the day after Thursday which precedes Saturday.” And that means the work week is over and now it’s time to sit back, relax, and enjoy a new Letter to Doug.
How Do I Convince My Wife To Let Me Get A Fun Ca?r – March 27, 2015
Good news, everyone! Today is FRIDAY! Actually, it’s now Tuesday, and I’m writing this like 11 days in the past. That’s because I am currently on vacation in a country where Internet is reserved for a lucky few, such as cafes where they make you order a baba ghanoush to get the WiFi password.
Why Do We Always Blur License Plates On the Internet? – March 13, 2015
Good news, ladies and gentlemen: Friday is here, and that means it’s almost time to begin your weekend by sitting in bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic and screaming at other drivers, even though they can’t hear you.
I’m the Drummer for Weezer, What Car Should I Get? – March 6, 2015
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we’ve again reached that point: the week is over, Friday is here, and that means it’s time for this week’s Letters to Doug, wherein you ask me a series of highly exciting automotive-related questions and I ignore almost all of them.
Why Are Car Enthusiasts So Obsessed With Wagons? – February 27, 2015
Good news, ladies and gentlemen: Friday has arrived. The week is over, and it’s now time to kick off your exciting weekend plans by falling asleep in front of the TV this evening around 9:30 p.m.
Should I Buy a Cheap Nissan GT-R? – February 20, 2015
Yes, ladies and gentlemen: another week has passed, Friday is upon us, and that means it’s time for Letters to Doug, the weekly column wherein I provide good, sound advice to loyal Jalopnik readers, and then you tell me how wrong I am.
What’s The Perfect Car For a Teenager? – February 13, 2015
Well, everyone, it’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday, and that means it’s time for today’s version of Letters to Doug, which is consistently Jalopnik’s finest column each week, assuming you don’t read any of the others.
Why Do Americans Insist On Having Such Large Engines? – February 6, 2015
Great news! Another week has passed, and Friday is once again upon us – and as many of you well know, that means precisely one thing: if you practice Orthodox Judaism, you are not allowed to operate an automobile after sundown.
Should I Purchase a Manufacturer Buyback Vehicle? – January 30, 2015
Yes, folks, it’s already Friday! And that means it’s time for everyone’s favorite Friday feature, Letters to Doug, wherein you write me a series of complicated, challenging letters that cover a wide range of pertinent automotive topics, and I cherry pick the one that’s easiest to respond to!
I’m Bored With My Tesla; What Should I Do? – January 23, 2015
Good news, ladies and gentlemen! It’s that time again: the exciting moment each week where I take a well-meaning, intelligently written letter from a reader and respond to it using flawed, manipulative logic that somehow always ends up with the advice: “buy my book.”
Should I Buy a Porsche Speedster Replica? – January 16, 2015
Gather ’round, folks, because it’s time for yet another installment of Letters to Doug, Jalopnik’s most mildly popular column, wherein you write me a letter with some sort of automotive question and I respond with a prolonged tirade that makes you wonder if I’ve been properly medicated.
Should I Buy a Used European Luxury SUV? – January 9, 2015
Today, we’re going to kick off a new Friday segment called Letters to Doug. Here’s how it works: first, you send me a letter with some sort of automotive query, such as: “Dear Doug: Should I buy a used Saab 9-5 or just eat off my own face?” And then, every Friday, I will choose one letter and reply with a long-winded diatribe that only partially answers your question.